Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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