Don't you send me to vm
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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