I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
