I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
