someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
