i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
