i think my tv is drunk
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
