HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
