you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
