Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You are the jesus of drinking
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
