She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize