I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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