I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got inside last night via doggy door
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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