the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
