I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
