Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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