Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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