i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
