God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
