Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
