i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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