Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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