yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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