put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
