I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we're making bets on your personal life
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
