so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
