using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You can't special order awesome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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