I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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