and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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