I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
