i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
