Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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