remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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