So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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