she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
