i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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