I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize