my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
