Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
