mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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