Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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