i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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