His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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