I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
