Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
