he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
