A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
