I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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