My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
