How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize