He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
