Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This baby is an asshole
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
