well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
