he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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