I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
