Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
