Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
