she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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