someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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