OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
