i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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