Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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