sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My balls are so social today.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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