So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this just has baby written all over it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
