whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
