I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Bring me that man meat
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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