So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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