doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
