I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
