Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
