pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
