He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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